Turning Point

How does the darkest of nights turn in to the brightest of days. Life is funny like that. It has a way of pushing us forward even when we resist.

I liken it to my first time ziplining, intially when the decision was made i thought “okay this is happening I can do this.” Then once I was all harnessed in and sitting back on the line i thought to myself “oh sh*t this is happening there is no way in Hades I can do this” I asked the instructor to push me and he told me I had to do it myself, so I sat there running all the scenarios, talking myself out of, trying to decide if I wanted to go back or go forward. Finally I did it full fledge screaming, panic attack I let go…

And then almost immediately a turning point once I realized I was secure in that harness even though I was up in the air when no ground safely under my feet just the feeling of letting go into the unknown and not falling to a tragic horrible death turned my fear into exhilaration and it was freeing and eventually I was back on solid ground.

Granted my transition to fully accepting life after divorce was a lot longer then that 90 sec. zip line, and I sat in my fear of letting go for months not minutes and so many things are still up in the air I don’t feel like fully found my footing yet I am in the period of exhilaration where I can breathe again, let go, open my eyes and fully see the beauty all around me.

And just like up on that zip line I don’t know the exact moment it happened and I know it was more gradual, one step at a time, focusing on just that one step until I could stop lift my head, look back and see how far I had come. Somewhere along the journey, those tiny steps turned in the big strides forward and made the road ahead a lot more exciting and a lot less scary.

-EJ