11/16 Go Gently

Go gently into your night…

Do not fear that darkness, trust that it’s timing is right.

Do not pray for the sun when you are not truly ready to appreciate it’s light.

Go gently into your night

I wrote these words sitting in my room thinking about how far I have come. When me and my ex first decided to seperate there was nothing gentle about that dark period. So many strong emotions, too many emotions to feel at once.

First I had a lot of shame and fear over feeling like I had failed and what people would think.

Then sadness and overwhelm over how big a life shift this was, it felt like creating the perfect wedding cake and then the table tipping over except the cake was my life seemingly perfect and not smashed and unrecognizable.

Then with them acceptance of this is happening came there paralyzing anxiety of figuring out who I was so much of me had been wrapped up in this life I created.

But then, then something beautiful happened I learned to be gentle with my self, accept that nothing is permanent except change and yea sometimes that change sucked, but not matter how bad it feels at the time it will be okay.

I realize that easy to say now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but when I was in the darkness i wanted nothing more than to find the light but I see now I wasn’t ready for it. I needed to face some fears, sit alone and learn to breathe, find myself and my strength. I needed to figure out how to live gently with the night to understand the ebbs and flow to truly appreciate the day.

– EJ

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