I have these owls painting my girls created for me that hang on the wall next to my bed. This morning as I laid in bed gathering myself to start the day it felt as though their eyes were staring at me suspiciously asking “who are you?”
It’s a question I’ve asked myself frequently since me and my husband seperated two years ago and one that has become more pressing since we signed our divorce papers this past week.
I like to think I am not the only one not 100% sure of the answer to that question, but that more then a knowing it is a life long quest of self discovery. These last couple years have taught me a lot and three main truths that I hold right now on the topic are:
1. I get to choose how I define me and how I choose to show up in the world and it’s not on me to prove who I am to anyone. People see us through the lens of their lived experiences, and another’s persons perceptions are not my truth
2. It’s okay to hit them with a plot twist. If there are things I want to do but find my self worried about what others will think…I feel like those are exactly the things I need to do. Wether it’s taking a spur of the moment weekend to myself (were the irrational fear of that making me a bad mother sometimes reigns strong) or starting a business, a podcast or writing a book (that makes me worry what if people won’t buy it, listen or read it) or something as small as putting up my Christmas decorations in November (people will definitely have something to say about that,lol) but the fact of the matter is I don’t think one really ever regrets doing something they need or want to do for themselves or trying something new that pushes them out of their comfort zone. It’s okay to try and fail and try something new. There is power in the pivot and doing things that brings us joy or challenges makes us better.
3. It is impossible to live your truth and live up to the real or perceived expectations of others. You have to choose one and I choose me.
So to the question “Who are you?” I have no idea but I am enjoying the journey to figuring it out.